How to save a life.

It's happened again, another teen suicide, and as always my heart breaks. We've all seen too many and as usual we wonder what was in the minds of those who chose this solution to their problem. In my experience it's been the feeling of being trapped, of having no other options, no future, no way out. Sound familiar? It doesn't have to be this way though, not by a long shot.

Many years ago I remember lying on my belly up here in the barn, looking out into the yard and vowing that one day I'd turn this place into a refuge for all the bleeding heads of the world. I vowed that I'd never break, that "They" would never win, that eventually I would make this happen, and three years ago to make a very long story short I set things in motion. There is space up here now and resources and I can now say that whoever you are, if you need that space and more importantly the time to just stop and get your head together, that space exists.

I live on a quarter section of land in northern Manitoba, nothing but fields and forests and absolute quiet. There is plenty of space, a great workshop with tools and materials of all sorts, and a library that would take a few years to work through. Above all there is time and opportunity. Some people are made of strong will, some of strong won't, you can guess which one I'm made of. Too many people spend too much time thinking about why things can't be done instead of how they can be done. I ask you, is there anything about this that's particularly hard? Impossible? No? Right you are. Living up here by the way is ridiculously cheap, no rent, no utilities, plenty of food about, free heat, free water, and freedom to breath.

Get the word out that there is sanctuary, there is an escape other than death, there is hope, a future, time, peace, tranquility, all these things. What you won't find here is judgment, preaching, lecturing, arrogant presumptions or easy answers, only the time to find your own. If you know someone, suggest it to them. Help them to see the possible. Whatever can be imagined can be made to happen, that all obstacles can be overcome, the first step is in realizing that it is possible.

"The great tragedy of life is not that people set their sights too high and fail, but that they set their sights too low and succeed."
- Michelangelo

Cross-posted all over the place with no apologies whatsoever. Please, I urge you all to pass it along. Make reality, shape it to your will.

(no subject)

I have been wronged... Unfourtantly I cannot say by whom...

I haven't been as wronged or felt so betrayed in over two years. It's just not fair... I'll never get as much as an apology.

Please, to all you furs, be kind and fair to your fellow furs, it helps more than you know.

Oh my..

I simply adore this community... It seems that there isn't really anyone posting on it anymore really, but I'd love to be a part of this community more if it continues...

*PS - If only I had learned of this community a year ago when I needed it....
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Zen Hyper

New to the group...

Hello, I'm Wolfbrother... AKA Isaac Coyote. I stumbled across this group during one of my bouts of insomnia that I deal with. I figured I'd give this a shot, since I'm not sure where I can turn anymore. I have a mate, and I know I can trust him with my problems, but I feel that I can only put so much on him... I don't want him to have to bear the weight of everything I deal with...

Anyway, I'm sorry, but I can't admit to my problems... not yet. I'm too much of a coward to be able to just announce it like that. I'll need a little time to feel comfortable enough to talk about it. I've been burned too many times in the past to just open up from the start. I'm sorry for being such a coward, I don't know how to be anything else...

I guess I came to this community in search of help. Please be patient with me.
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First: Thank you for the community.
Second: A brief introduction for why I'm here.

I had a bad day yesterday and went looking on Livejournal for any kind of support group.  I haven't talked to anyone about this, beyond my roommate (also a relative) who has been tremendously supportive of me and was the one that broke me out of the land of denial regarding my family.  

Some of you here might understand this, though those who haven't had long standing abuse just can't, but you can go through extreme abuse and be blind to it, as long as you've been told since early childhood that you're wrong and they're right.  I believed my father and mother to be good people even five years after running away from home at 27 because my mother's boyfriend (my father had passed away) was quite seriously threatening to kill me. 

It has been nearly 20 years since my father passed away and I still find my heart pounding at the thought of saying something negative about him.  Because it's still in my head that thinking bad thoughts about him is bad and will be punished.  Here I am hyperventaling just because I'm thinking of saying anything -- just one thing about the bastard.  And he's dead.  I can't imagine how harsh life is for those of you who have abusers who are still breathing.  Well, my mother, her boyfriend and my brother are ... but they've lost interest.  I don't have "money" anymore.  So I'm not worth the effort.  And they were only interested in money and a punching bag.

Okay, my one thing about my father.
My roommate made the connection that my family had been abusive. She gave me a list she found about signs of abuse that had been created for people like myself, because we don't see clearly.  I read it and thought about it for several days.  Finally I decided to ask her -- quite seriously -- if it was abuse if your father called you into a room and forced you to look at him while he masterbated.  I didn't put it that way.  I tried to find some way to make the question not sound like that when I asked because both of my parents had insisted that I was wrong -- that it was harmless.  That men just do that, they have to.  And this was family -- so where's the harm?  Family is supposed to love each other -- right?

That was my first small step in breaking that wall that made me not see my family as they had really been.  That's by far not the worst of it.  It's just where I started.  Though the realization, when it really sunk it, crashed me.  I haven't been the same now for many years.  I have lots and lots of nightmares.  But at least this last year or so, I find myself fighting back in the dreams which ... feels much better.

Hugs to all,
Howling photo

So how is everyone?

I am having my bad days and could-be-better days. Its been 6 years since the last time I saw Hawk (my furry-on-furry abuser) in person. I tried going to a therapist a few months back, but I lost my job and couldn't keep up on the subsidized copayments. It really wasn't getting me anywhere anyway. I just ... don't know. I'm not liking the owner of the company I work for, she reminds me too much of Hawk, she's deceitful and fired someone because they wouldn't cut enough corners on the customers. If I had more confidence I could get another job quickly, I'd quit ... but I'm so desperate for work ... they're probably going to can me soon anyway. :/

I hope others in this community are doing better.
Rob Carlos

Taking a stand

Running and hiding from my abusers in the fandom as I have over the years, its unfortunately too late to do anything, no evidence remains, etc. I ran and hid a lot ... and felt guilty knowing I could have stopped them when I knew, after kicking them out of my lives when I finally did, that they'd go on to abuse others. I can't help but feel responsible for the abuse their victims after me went through.

Its been hard, but I can't change my irresponsible inaction in the past. The victims of Sibe have been an inspiration to change, at least, and I've involved myself in doing what little I can to encourage them and let them know what an inspiration they are, taking the time and effort and courage to face him and research his history and put together the useful and informative article on wikifur about him.

I was not directly one of Sibe's victims, and I wondered -- with my name and contribution in the edits as well as on the talk page -- how long it would be, after he got out, before he got around to wondering why I involved myself in his case, why I am taking such a strong and steadfast stance, what my motivations and interests are, and what my goals are in regards to my determination to keep the furry fandom as informed as I can about what he's done, why he's such a threat and a danger, and why its important to not just let bygones be bygones nor forgive and forget his violent, abusive behavior that has harmed not only his immediate victims, but the furry fandom as a whole. I hope I can keep the energy going, and if I am faced with my own tormentors again in the fandom, that I'll learn from what the justice and empowerment Sibe's victims have gained by standing strong and firm, and take the same responsible steps toward them, not running and hiding but letting their crimes do them in.

Anyway, thought I'd share the expected message Sibe sent to me, and my reply to it which I posted to my own LJ:

Be strong, wounded paws, and take heart. We may not be able to regain our own innocence nor trust in others, but when we respond to what we have been put through with justice and courage, we can stop our tormentors from going on to abuse others. We are not harming the furry fandom by standing up to our abusers ... it is they who harm the fandom by abusing and betraying the implicit trust many furs tend to feel toward one another. *paw hugs to all of you* We don't have to be strong to find courage, we just need to learn to turn to one another to help and support one another. We all hurt. We all suffer. We all cry. This does not make us weak.

*tender pawhugs to all*

Hey Y'awwwlll

Dig...  For most of my life I've dreamed of turning my parents country place into a sanctuary, a place that's out of the chaos where people can come and untwist their heads.  Well, now I've done it!  As of this spring, I've taken control of most of the space.  I've spent my summer fixing it up into a creative workspace.  Got lots of tools and toys for fabrication of all sorts.  So here it is.  If you're thrashing about, feel trapped, in an unlivable situation, remember that there's a place for you here.

So there it is.  If you can dig up enough to help feed yourself, there's a space for you.  Wanna cut free and have a go at an internet business?  Go for it!  If you wanna build something, paint something, film something, well, you get the picture.  I've got most of my life up for examination on LJ, with lots of links to pictures of the place, and all my thoughts on the subject.  Have a browse and feel free to add me in on MSN if you wanna chat.


I've been slowly coming to terms with past memories, figured finding others to talk to might be a good idea, and take the pressure off my mate hmm? :) Is there anyone still around here? I see there haven't been too many posts, but I think this is the *only* survivors group I've seen for furries. It would be *great* if there really were that few furries who were survivors! But somehow I don't think that's quite the case. Anyways, I'm called Dragonfly, not sure what else to say really..